The impossible

A blog about how the impossible becomes possible

I’m going to do it. The impossible has become possible and suddenly life is open. I was completely stuck. In a relationship where I could not be completely myself, in a job that I had created myself to have freedom but where freedom soon gave way to a sense of responsibility that completely held me in its grip and in a life where I tried more and more to be able to control how the situation unfolded. Physically I started to feel worse by the day and my body was working harder and harder to tell me it couldn’t go on like this anymore. Stubborn as I am, only when I was completely extinguished with my parents and both my knees and shoulders could no longer move, I stopped to listen.

I suddenly saw that I had tried to get a grip on the wrong things. Instead of checking everything outside of me, I had to look at myself in the mirror. Looking in the mirror, I could only say that I wasn’t happy and that I didn’t want the rest of my life to look like this. On that day I came in contact with a piece of myself that I had missed: my inner strength. From this basis I made an appointment with myself to take a different path. I looked critically at my life and made decisions that were anything but easy. I decided to part with my friend and decided to let go of the company I had invested in for years.

The last time has been dominated by finding beautiful people who could take over my customers and close things well with my ex. Moreover, I made another important decision: I decided to move to Spain from August. I actually let go of all the things that I thought life consisted of: my relationship, my job and my home. While releasing these things, I regularly woke up in the middle of the night wondering what exactly I was doing and who I was without all those things. I couldn’t let go of everything without a new plan to stick to!?

The last time has been frightening and at the same time so wonderful. The more lines I cut, the more space I started to feel and the more freedom came back into my life. I thought nothing was left of me, but the opposite happened: A new dimension of myself opened up that I didn’t know yet. If there is nothing to hold on to, you can only let go and sail with the flow of life. And if you do not know which direction you are heading, there is only one thing left to do: dwell on the present moment. In that standing still I found my peace, freedom and inner strength. I was robbed of the illusion that I could achieve these things by creating a better relationship, job or other place of residence. By continuing to search, I forgot that these things were always there. Now I have no friend, no company and I still live in Amsterdam, but I am so very happy!

I’m going to Spain in a month. Maybe I will stay there, maybe I could go back. I don’t have a plan and it doesn’t really matter. I know that I just have to stand still and that freedom, happiness and inner peace await me there.

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